He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
