Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
