The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
