thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
