they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
