it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
