Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
