You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
