I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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