I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
