I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
