so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
