The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
