If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
