it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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