Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
