nut hugger
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
