Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She told me I should be a condom model.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
