my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
