I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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