Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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