Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
