After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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