i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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