im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
