Having a random hookup so left but love u
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
