I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
