So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
