You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
