that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
