I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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