I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
