new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We left the knife in your bed.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
