The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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