i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
