Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
