dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
