If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
