If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
high people should be assigned attendants
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
