i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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