How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Randomize
