I must be too annoying 4 u.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I pour the whiskey from now on
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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