I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
