He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
