these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
