Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
