We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
