We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
