i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
