I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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