is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
