Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
