I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I don't deserve a penis
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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