If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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