I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
NoShamevember. You game?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
