I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
