I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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