***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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