Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
