just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
