i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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