You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
