Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
