I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
