please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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