I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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