Don't you send me to vm
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Randomize
