3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
