My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
