last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
