You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
