whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
