He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
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No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
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There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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