if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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