I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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