i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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