I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
