i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
