i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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