he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
