Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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