It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I deserve this hangover.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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