went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
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