I smell stomach acid.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
